What Your Loneliness Is Trying to Tell You
If You’re Struggling With Loneliness, I’ve Been There. Here’s What You Can Do to Help...
When I start getting busier, or my kids need more from me emotionally or physically, it’s so easy for me to put myself last and deny my own needs and desires. It’s how I managed growing up and how I lived for most of my life. But over time, that chronic denial of myself led me to so much disconnection and perpetuated the loneliness that I had already felt for most of my life.
I began to believe there was another way to interact with loneliness and that there was more it was trying to show me. My loneliness has now become my guide.
It taps me on the shoulder when I’ve lost myself or my relationships somewhere along the way. It’s not the horrible, dreaded visitor that it used to be—one that heaped shame and worthlessness onto me like it used to.
It’s taught me so much over the years, and here’s what it’s taught me:
Loneliness is either one of two things:
Disconnection from yourself: your inner world.
Or disconnection from others: your outer world.
From my own lived experience, I’ve learned how to hear from loneliness and reconnect.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
How we connect to our inner world is largely shaped by how our parents/caregivers connected to our inner world. Did they ask questions about us? Did they attune to our needs and emotions?
And how we connect to our outer world is also part of feeling connected. Do we show up authentically as ourselves, or do we find ourselves shrinking and hiding or conflating our personalities to be seen? Do we stay guarded around others or share too much too quickly?
There is nothing wrong with any of these. These are all data points to see what’s missing, what’s in the way, and what we need as a result.
If you want to connect to your inner world today, here are a couple of journal prompts:
How am I feeling in this moment? Include body sensations and name your feelings. If an emotion comes up, like sadness, anger, or grief, don’t analyze it. Just let it exist.
What might I need today as a way to show myself that my needs matter and I’m valuable?
If I am feeling lonely lately, what might be a part of that? Is it me feeling disconnected from myself, feeling disconnected from others, or both? How could I reconnect today?
A Free Resource to Help You Reconnect:
If you want to take what you’ve just explored a step further, my FREE Connection Companion Guide can help you build connection with both your inner world and the people around you.
With over 80 thoughtfully curated questions, it gives you a simple way to reconnect with yourself, deepen your closest relationships, and create more meaningful conversations.
I hope you know you're not alone in your loneliness ♥️
With compassion,
Stephanie
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