Learning to Delight

I’m coming to realize that I don’t delight enough.

Most likely, this is due to feeling distracted and living ten steps ahead — carrying so many roles as a woman, wife, mother, and entrepreneur. With so many things vying for my time and attention, I lose track of the beauty and joy of the things that are delightful.

What brought this to my attention was being asked, “When was the last time you felt delighted in?” I noticed I didn’t know the answer. That question then led me to reflect further: When was the last time I delighted in something — or someone?

Sitting with these questions, I began to notice the very real connection between delight, presence, and vulnerability.

In order to experience delight, I have to slow down enough to be present — in this moment, with these people — and make space for my ability to delight. And inevitably, anytime I slow things down and allow myself to be in the moment, it can feel extremely vulnerable. There’s often an internal urge to escape, a sense that it isn’t safe to slow down, take things in, and allow myself delight.

Why?

Because delight is so much deeper than a good feeling. It’s intimacy. It’s connection. It’s presence. It’s vulnerability. It’s a heart and body slowed down enough to be open to the world and to people, allowing delight in.

According to Google, to delight in means “to find great pleasure, joy, and deep satisfaction in.”

So often, we can delight in things — objects, nature, pets — but when it comes to people, even the people closest to us, it can feel challenging and uncomfortable.

The more I learn about attachment and intimacy, the more I recognize that while deep connection is our deepest desire, it’s also our most vulnerable. And because of that, we often protect ourselves from the very connection we say we want and dream about.

We protect ourselves from deep intimacy by denying our needs, creating stories about how we aren’t good enough or how the other person isn’t trustworthy or honest, or by dissociating. We will continue to do this until two things happen: we feel safe enough to experience the emotion, and we begin to understand ourselves on a deeper level by getting curious about the part of us that feels uncomfortable with connection — and why.

So how do we begin to feel safe enough to experience emotion?

By creating small pockets of experience that offer a felt sense of safety within the emotion itself. Guided meditations can be an incredible resource for this — they provide a time-limited, inherently safer emotional experience within ourselves. Because our bodies experience imagined scenarios as real, guided meditations can help create new emotional associations. There’s also safety in knowing we can pause, stop, or return whenever we want, which allows us to feel empowered and in control of our emotional experience.

And the second piece is getting to know the part of you that feels uncomfortable with connection — and understanding why.

I want to walk you through this process.

Take a moment to sit with yourself and take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the ground, the chair supporting your back. Notice how you’re feeling in this moment. Then gently ask yourself, “What part of me feels uncomfortable with…” (and name your fear — close or intimate relationships, being present, slowing down, or whatever comes up for you).

As you ask this, notice what arises. Sometimes it’s a body sensation. Sometimes it’s an image or a word. Just allow it to surface. Then begin to get to know this part, as if you were sitting together over coffee. You might ask, “What feels uncomfortable about deeper connection?” or “What are you afraid might happen if I allow more intimacy?” Use language that is kind, caring, and curious — not to judge or shame this part or make it go away, but to connect with it.

Connection with others begins with connection to ourselves. This is how we do that.

And because learning to delight can feel tender and unfamiliar, I created something to support you in this practice.

You Are A Delight is a guided audio meditation designed to help you soften, slow down, and feel the comfort of being enjoyed — just as you are.

It’s available now, and for a limited time, you can ​receive it for free here using the code DELIGHT11.

My hope is that this becomes a small, safe place for you to practice letting delight in — at your own pace.

May we, as a community and as a world, feel safe enough to slow down, be present, open our hearts, and delight in one another.

-Stephanie